Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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