I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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