Kareoke will never be a sober sport
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
