his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
