what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
