I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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