I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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