You're earring is so big in my mouth
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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