i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
