I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Someone signed my nipple.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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