First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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