you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
