I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
