Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Man, jail baloney is awful.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
