We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
