I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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