i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
