i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
