ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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