not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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