drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
it was like eating out sand paper
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
