Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.

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  (805): We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened. http://tfl.nu/qapw
  Replies (20) Good night (9505) Bad night (898)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.

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  (541): I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up. http://tfl.nu/5d52
  Replies (13) Good night (1542) Bad night (6573)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.

  (714): View more from California

  Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."

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  (712): Doctor said I have sports induced asthma. (714): Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape." http://tfl.nu/hfcj
  Replies (37) Good night (10094) Bad night (1855)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.

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  (256): FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation. http://tfl.nu/7b12
  Replies (28) Good night (1499) Bad night (7666)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever

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  (503): There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever http://tfl.nu/502h
  Replies (3) Good night (3733) Bad night (1711)
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  (949): View more from California

  My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.

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  (949): My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship. http://tfl.nu/pxfl
  Replies (11) Good night (3332) Bad night (1294)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.

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  (505): Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait. http://tfl.nu/lp7a
  Replies (6) Good night (2727) Bad night (766)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure

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  (224): I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure http://tfl.nu/kybt
  Replies (3) Good night (689) Bad night (1635)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.

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  (206): You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick. http://tfl.nu/hzir
  Replies (12) Good night (2608) Bad night (995)
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  (585): View more from New York

  remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that

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  (585): remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that http://tfl.nu/fcdo
  Replies (8) Good night (561) Bad night (1119)
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  (516): View more from New York

  History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.

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  (516): History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad. http://tfl.nu/o7dx
  Replies (4) Good night (1636) Bad night (539)
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  (631): View more from New York

  She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat

  (1-631): View more from New York

  I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness

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  (631): She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat (1-631): I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness http://tfl.nu/blnl
  Replies (4) Good night (1201) Bad night (604)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens

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  (512): Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens http://tfl.nu/y87y
  Replies (5) Good night (958) Bad night (1113)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.

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  (256): I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies. http://tfl.nu/vlya
  Replies (2) Good night (486) Bad night (362)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.

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  (973): We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt. http://tfl.nu/5mpd
  Replies (3) Good night (427) Bad night (219)

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