Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.