Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.

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  (917): Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed. http://tfl.nu/8c7h
  Replies (2) Good night (548) Bad night (2915)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink

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  (815): it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink http://tfl.nu/effl
  Replies (6) Good night (4275) Bad night (591)
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.

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  (510): I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend. http://tfl.nu/lprg
  Replies (10) Good night (5758) Bad night (706)
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  (909): View more from California

  i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...

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  (909): i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here... http://tfl.nu/2c0q
  Replies (10) Good night (3997) Bad night (1100)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.

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  (860): I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name. http://tfl.nu/83o9
  Replies (22) Good night (5628) Bad night (1007)
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  (+03): View more from

  Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'

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  (+03): Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here' http://tfl.nu/86hi
  Replies (14) Good night (6620) Bad night (1449)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.

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  (414): Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night. http://tfl.nu/g1a2
  Replies (5) Good night (1177) Bad night (1197)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp

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  (214): You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp http://tfl.nu/t0a5
  Replies (9) Good night (1358) Bad night (2686)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.

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  (850): The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc. http://tfl.nu/3vm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1828) Bad night (437)
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  (916): View more from California

  Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...

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  (916): Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers... http://tfl.nu/ayxd
  Replies (5) Good night (1706) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I pray for you bro.

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  (609): I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place. (215): I pray for you bro. http://tfl.nu/qs2m
  Replies (1) Good night (373) Bad night (682)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die

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  (509): If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die http://tfl.nu/9v9m
  Replies (1) Good night (659) Bad night (365)
• Favorite

  (406): View more from Montana

  WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA

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  (406): WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA http://tfl.nu/iwiz
  Replies (4) Good night (775) Bad night (297)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am

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  (404): A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am http://tfl.nu/md1x
  Replies (0) Good night (750) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack

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  (602): Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack http://tfl.nu/paaa
  Replies (2) Good night (348) Bad night (434)

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