did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
