he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
