could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We have started to decorate penises.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
