my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Dating After Heartbreak
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours