where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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