this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I believe in your delicious
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
