We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
