I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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