just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
