Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
