He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
In America we eat man semen.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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