Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
