How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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