my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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