Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
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