So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
