This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
honey bunches of taint.
there was a trapeze. enough said
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
