I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
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Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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