there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
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she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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