Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
