And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
