I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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