dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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