she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
so much tequila, so little girl.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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