He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
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i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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