vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
