i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
