you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
