nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
