i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize