I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
