I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
