My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
