Porn is love you can see.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
