I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
