Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
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Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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