At least make sure they are 18
Why
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
