Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
