does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
