I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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