Screwed.edu
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
