we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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