I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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