Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
