I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
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Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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