We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
