ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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