she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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